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this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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I went to high school with a couple of people who went on to do truly incredible, world class things. Both of then in fields I treated as a hobby / entertainment. Meanwhile, I've been midlevel mediocre at everything.
And I figured out years too late that I completely blew it when it came to three separate relationships, any one of which would have been life changing for the good. I was just very, very stupid and thought relationships came around like a bus service.
Now that I'm much older it grieves deeply me all the things I took for granted. All the missed opportunities. All because of some mix of laziness, lack of a long term perspective, lack of focus, lack of self discipline, and cowardice. Looking back, I realize many of my peers were more mature and focused.
I have to accept that I am a fundamentally unremarkable person and have burned up most of my good years of potential. I try not to dwell on these dark thoughts all of the time. But there's no way to truly come to peace with it.
I don't care much about "leaving a legacy". Just wish I'd made better decisions, especially when it comes to finding and keeping a loving partner.
I really feel this comment, especially the quote. I made so many mistakes that I regret now. And I'm just 17. I'm not sure how I came to this point. I want to avoid having my future self feeling similar to how I'm feeling.
The good news is, you have plenty of time to turn things around. Just don't wait to do it. Time slips away so quickly.