this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2025
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To be fair, especially to parents I get the part of grieving of someone you love not being there anymore. But if that person isn't really dead but just a different (better) version of the person, I don't really get how you can believe you are greaving while you're simultaneously not keeping that person close to you? I mean, that will only make the loss worse, right?
They're grieving the loss of who they expected their kid to be
Yeah but whatever their son/daughter was able to do before, there's no reason they can't do it post transition. If I use super traditional cliches to explain what I mean, their new daughter still knowns how to fix their computer / their new son still knows how to cook.
It's an emotional reaction rooted in transphobia, not a logical one.
But to my point of a loss of expectations, that part is like when kids don't turn out how their parents had hoped. To use another cliche, when their kid who was going to be a doctor runs off to do art instead.
Those parents that love unconditionally will let go of those expectations, learn to love their kid for who they actually are, and in time appreciate their transition as a period of growth rather than loss.