Off My Chest

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I’ll never get a chance with him and it’s my and my mental health’s fault (lemmings.world)

submitted 1 week ago by Lovesick@lemmings.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world

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Hi. I’m a Christian Polish (and Dutch) man (20M) who’s been outright terrible for years. I, like other people I’ve known, have been rather traditional. Patriotic and bigoted, you know the type. However, there was one thing I always thought was wrong with me: I’m attracted to men.

I always kind of liked this one man, my friend Greg, platonically and eventually romantically, as much as I hated to admit it.

I really liked him since we started to talk when we were 15. I saw him as a guy I could rely on. Greg is smart, funny, sweet, amazing really. I clung to him. He was my best friend. In fact, he was the one who helped me discover I liked men.

I’m nothing compared to him and I never will be much.

I’ve tried getting close to Greg. I tell him how smart he is, he lies back that I’m as smart as he is. I told him we should live together one day.

But I have mental health issues. I push people away and don’t think I’m good enough to have them.

Quite recently, Greg has shown some interest in me. Of course, I didn’t like that and pushed him away. I bullied him and talked behind his back after finding out he moved on and had a girlfriend.

When he broke up with her, I decided to give it another try and started being nicer again and trying to get closer. I thought he was an asshole and decided to forget it when I found out he yet again got a NEW girlfriend. Regretfully, I was mean to him right before again and now he has someone. I’m destined to be alone and I deserve it because of my mental health.

I’ve shoved him, screamed at him, et cetera. You can react, give advice, ask questions, I don’t really mind.

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[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

So...he let you back in, and you did the same thing again? I understand mental health problems, i do, but they are still YOUR problems. You've gotta take responsibility for them and steps to address them before you try for a relationship. Imagine what this looks like from his side? School friend suddenly becomes a dick and turns on him? That's gotta suck, and then you did it twice.

You've looked inward (sort of). Time to seek help.

[–] Lovesick@lemmings.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Apparently I triggered his ptsd by yelling at him

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

I know you said you're only 20, but one piece of advice I can offer from decades ahead: I can count on one hand how many times I've raised my voice in anger or frustration in any romantic relationship, and even then its still too many. If I'm getting close to raising my voice then its automatically my problem that I can't communicate, and I need to step back and reconsider my approach.

If a partner were yelling at me regularly, that would be an immediate red flag that they can't communicate like an adult in an equal relationship with me. I'd be out of that relationship quickly. I see thinking its okay to yell at your partner in anger/frustration is a sign of immaturity.

Again, you're only 20, so I don't expect you to have this all figured out yet. Your 20s are where you learn a lot about yourself and life. You are going to make lots and LOTS of mistakes. Welcome to young adulthood! However, it is critical you learn from these mistakes in your 20s. In your 30s if you are still making them, people won't put up with your shit and you won't be able to understand why there is this entire level of people that keep you at arms length or cut you out entirely.