this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2025
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Autism
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The Uncanny Valley is real.
I was undiagnosed my whole life until early adulthood, and therefore always tried to pass as NT, because I never knew what's wrong with me.
I trained myself for years to mimic NT behaviour, including facial expression, gestures, voice tone, and much more.
Everyone here can probably relate to that how incredible hard it is to achieve that, but I somehow did! Great! Right? Right...?
NOPE!
While I was 99% there, the 1% missing made everything worse.
Those are the tiny tiny nuances that you just can't replicate, like microexpressions, or some minor mistakes you made, like looking at the wrong direction while "thinking" or whatever shit they made up.
And those tiny incoherences are what will destroy everything. Many people will dislike or mistrust you, and the worst thing about that is that they don't even know why!
They'll accuse you to being a liar, because you act sketchy, or that you are "fake", or whatever you can think about.
I'm currently in the process of un-learning all of that and stop being someone else. Sure, many people will dislike you just for who you are, but seriously, if someone doesn't have a good time around you just because your voice sounds too flat or because you don't laugh back at them then fuck that person.
We have 8 billion people on this planet, there will be at least one person out there that appreciates your weirdness
The best compliment I IMHO ever received was after I went on a (positive) rant about LEGO: "Einkorn, you are weird. But weird in a very positive way".