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Im in the exact same page as you. Seeing a mod remove comments because people weren't capitalizing another users pronouns was the straw that broke my back the first time I yeeted Lemmy, the next time I came back to lemmy there was a whole thing about u/vegan banning people for saying that feeding a vegan diet to a carnivore pet was animal abuse. I'd LIKE lemmy to be usable if you dont have a tolerance for extremism, but I'm not holding my breath
The extremists would be the first to leave Reddit and search for alternatives. Eventually, enough average people join that it levels out. But if you try to do that artificially, it’ll just water the space down until it becomes another reddit.
Tbh, my only issue with reddit is who owns it and the way in which they exploit that. As a product I'm pretty happy with it, and the thing that made it reduce in quality, losing a shitload of its moderators because reddit fucked them over, ISNT an area that Lemmy beats it in. When I started getting my foot out the door I started paying attention to how many mods an instance had when I blocked it, and the majority of Lemmy instances had like ONE active mod. Lemmy is effectively unmoderated, and I'm not a fan of that, especially with some of the population it has.
I’m not trying to be rude, but it sounds like a mainstream echo chamber is exactly what you’re looking for. There’s instances like that. I don’t know what’s so terrifying that instances can exist outside of that.