this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2025
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So sorry to hear that. I’ve also had the experience of finding out direct relatives I’ve never met had died. I never feel anything except maybe a curiosity about who they may have been, would we have got along. But nothing more personal. They were a stranger. I don’t think sharing DNA means anything, really. It’s knowing people and interacting that has meaning. But also, I never had any expectation that we would ever meet, so that probably affects my take on things. Knowing you closely missed out on a meeting would be more difficult. There would a sense of loss if it were me. Hope you can work through it and feel OK.
Thanks cake, I appreciate it ♥️
Another layer of complexity is that I honestly don't know if I would've accepted, had I gotten the message earlier. Obviously if I knew I'd soon lose the opportunity, I would, but otherwise, it would've taken a lot of rationalising and deciding, and maybe months before I would have made a decision. And I probably would've chosen not to meet or contact him
There's some other familial stuff going on to where even now I don't know if his intentions were good, what sort of person he was or life he led, and if it was a genuine request, or intended to cause drama. That adds a bit of guilt for thinking that way