this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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LinkedinLunatics

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A place to post ridiculous posts from linkedIn.com

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Imagine being this much of a loser (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 weeks ago by alphacyberranger@sh.itjust.works to c/linkedinlunatics@sh.itjust.works
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[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 184 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I am even more disappointed by that guy's choice to work only 6 days a week.

I do not believe in sleep or rest.

I firmly believe that CEOs require diapers, not toilet breaks.

I used to shit myself continuously at the office, the stench was unbearable. And yet I went on, staying at my desk, asking people to come in to berate them.

I chose to be estranged by my whole family. My kids hate me. My wife despises me. My father won't talk to me. Even my mother loathes me.

I managed all that by dedicating every second of my life to my job, so that I can die miserably any get a gravestone saying 'lmao the shitman's dead, rest in shit loser'.

[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 40 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Amateur! I haven't stood up in so long my leg muscles have atrophied. I slowly have fused with my office chair. Obviously I never leave the building and only take 10 min micro naps as my body periodically shuts down, a weakest of my flesh. I chose to occupy one entire floor of the building as my productivity lair, which has been secretly blocked off from the everyone else to avoid distractions. I only enter other floors when most employees are gone for the day, usually late at night. Typically to double check their work or scavenge for food.

I scare most of my coworkers, I think I've become something of myth? They gave me a name, because I heard one scream "the Chairman is real!" as I startled him. He was working late that night as I creeped around his cubicle wall. Since I was famished, I quickly knocked him out with a keyboard and dragged him back to my lair for a quick power lunch.

[–] undeffeined@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 weeks ago

Someone is thinking about the shareholders!!!