I know people have spent longer on the ISS but at some point, I’d come back in a Home Depot bucket wearing a spacesuit with some scuba gear.

And for those who want to argue about the heat shielding on a Home Depot bucket, I’d be responsible about it. I’d glue all kinds of shit to it. Steal a parachute from the Roscosmos side. I’d be fine.

“You’d land in the Indian Ocean."

This isn’t rocket science. It’s the opposite. I’ll land where I want. I’d aim for your mom’s house and land in her bedroom. Injuries would include a crushed pelvis and not from the fall. That’s just what happens when I visit your mom.