“I’m at the grocery, back in 20”

The policy around remote workers in my unionized heavy-privacy job is that when you're away from the desk it's fine; no one wanted to know your bathroom schedule when you were in the office, and no one wants to know now. Grabbing lunch, getting coffee, anything that can occur at the office without leaving, no one cares.

For fire safety and especially for the "bad things happen while you're by yourself" policy that started after someone fainted in a small windowless basement office long ago, when you're actually stepping out you must announce the punch-out and punch-in after. It's a pain, because they do watch and bitch, but meh:

Meghan: grabbing lunch.  back in 10
Dave:  yeah, me too
Meghan:  back
Roger:  Off to the doc
Millie:  where's Dave?  
Robert: do we gotta start the Wellness Check?
Allison: nah, but I'll call him in a sec.  Policy.
Dave:  wait.  I'm back.  Don't call the cops.
Allison:  Dude.  
Dave:  Sorry.  I'll pay the doughnut penalty
Allison:  ha!  Okay, going for a walk while the sun's out
Millie:  Enjoy! 
Millie:  Grabbing the mail.  5 min
Millie:  back
Allison: back.  Beautiful out there.
Roger:  back

Etc. our 'social' channel is a lot of that shit. And yeah, the policy says an escalating wellness check after a reasonable time.

Keep in mind, this is a Union job. It's an IT job but the subject matter is heavy-privacy and heavy-policy. Think like a gov HMO or similar deal where we have a lot of accountability and massive protocols. The day before covid they were a "fuck no you'll never work from home, come in if you have a patch run at 0500 Saturday, hippie" kind of place where they derived value from seeing your ass in a chair. On covid day one it was "run for the hills, go now, take what you can justify needing (keyboards, laptops, screens) and don't come back onsite unless you have paperwork. Just fuck off, right now", a complete about-face that's now enshrined in the contract.

In short, we did it; and if that group of dysfunctional stuffyshirt managers can cope with remote workers - some couldn't, and like a reverse Dead Sea Effect, the worst of the bunch bailed and the good managers stayed - then I hold out hope that a lot of our sector of desk-and-screen workers can migrate en-masse home and stay there. They came a long way from where they were, and they hammered out a union-compatible workflow for remote work that actually makes sense. Maybe it's a unicorn, and I hope it's got legs, as we're generally happier. And while union shit always has lower pay for the same work - sorry but true - the perks of choosing your environment makes it better.

I will now accept questions.

I'm obviously exaggerating. I got some stupid "top slacker" award at the last company function. My wife told me that actually does not shine a good light on me.