tws: brief weight ment (no numbers), suicidal ideation
i feel weird giving details because it feels like i'm identifying myself but they're just in the fucking shitter (no warranted or sympathetic reason for how they got to this point) and i'm super underweight and not in a good place right now. it feels like if i ask for an appointment i'm admitting something, and it feels like if i go it's going to open up pandora's box, or at the very least i'm going to get judged to shit for having had my teeth in such a state at a young age (what if i'm the worst teeth they've seen?) and will definitely have to pay at least some of the bill even if it's subsidized or partly free due to benefits. but i feel like there's no way my appearance won't ring alarm bells and be flagged into the system. it feels safer to just 'have mercy' with my poor health and end it, instead of facing i'll have to live with what i've done forever and there's no time machine.
it's fucking up eeeeeverything. sorry for a heavy post ill delete this at some point probably...????? i just have noone to confide in about this
edit: thank you for being so nice & honest & upfront to me. underweightness unfortunately has nothing to do with my teeth and is beyond mild to quite an extent - bystanders and strangers comment on it and assume i have a mental or physical condition. but i can't live being afraid of my teeth falling out all the time. i will try wear bigger clothing and project myself to be actively improving or something if i can... very scared even still