Then you take care of the particular (the problem stopping you from action) before the universal (the action). Get medicated, find support networks, call helplines as much as you can, journal, and remember that material conditions predecede any form of conciousness - so you will not get better if you don't get up. Set up the smallest goals. Do not think about achieveing them. Instead of "getting better" think of what personal material conditions you can change, so you are better. Remember Marx from the 18th Brumaire: "Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past." Your position is still materially different than that of an Indonesian sweatshop slave. You can and should make the best of it.
SadExe123
This kind of thinking is still privileged. You do not recognize your responsibility to the people of the world and selfishly want to anihillate yourself to save yourself from the trouble of doing the hard work. This is ingrained american exceptionalism and you should reflect on that. I do not write this to "dunk" on you, but I live in an equally if not MORE anti-communist country, and what? Do I complain? Do I resign? No. Our organization is small, but it's the little Davids that stand up against Goliath every day, get beaten down and rise back again. Because if not us, then who? You will not be saved from the outside, and resignation is admitting defeat, and giving away the win to the ruling class without a fight. Do better.
Where can I read about this?
Why do you consider Colonialism to be such importnat subject so as to make 1/4 of the course about it? Do you reckon it is of any use to a comrade in a country like Slovakia, which has no history of colonialism whether imposed or enforced (or am I mistaken?) And what about modern problems and possible solutions to them? What about the nuclear question, or the rise of surveillance technology?
This is not the message of my comment.