AGoldLovingTomboy

I asked him "what color were the clouds back then?" and he said they were white. I asked him what happens if I take an orange light and light up something that's white with it. He ignored me. He went on about how everyone in his age group remembers the Sun being orange, and by me questioning him, I'm calling him and all his peers liars and I'm stupid because I'm younger than him and vaccinated.

So many women just don't know how about basic hygiene to the point it confuses me why people say men smell worse than women. Some of the worst smelling people I've walked past are women, and let's not forget the whole "women smell like fish" thing. No part of me smells like fish because I shower everyday and I'm sick of other women making stupid excuses to not wash such as "it's self cleaning" I'm sorry but if you smell like a crab factory on a hot summer day it's not self cleaning. Say what you will about men smelling cheesy sometimes but the smell of rotten seafood disgusts me. Sometimes I'll go into the women's bathroom and it smells like that. I can only imagine what it'd be like hanging around a crowd of women. Not to mention 99% of the time I see a couple the woman is huge and the man is actually lean/healthy and I can only imagine how much worse that makes the smell.

That's also to say nothing about how it's women who love starting drama for no reason. Yes, men do it too but nowhere near as much. It's no surprise almost all of my friends are men.

Yesterday at 5 PM I had fried rice with curry sauce, a bit like Japanese curry. I had it in this big soup bowl. I went to sleep at 8 PM because I felt tired, and woke up at 6:30 AM. I felt dizzy and couldn't stop thinking about food. I had a can of Dr Pepper which helped with the dizzy feeling. At 12 PM I walked down to the chip shop to get a bag of chips and a potato cake for dinner but they had a problem with the machines so they said they'd be open later. I didn't want to go back there because it's cold, so I had a plate of frozen chips instead and a Yazoo milkshake I got from the shop since I wanted to spend some of my money.

I keep getting this and I don't know why. Even my mum was confused about why I felt so famished despite me eating less than 24 hours ago. My granddad was diabetic so I'm worrying if this could be pre diabetes or something or if this is a normal thing people get?

I miss my friends from school. I became ill with CFS caused by mononucleosis, and was bedbound for a long time, and by the time I got better, they'd all moved on in their lives. At 22, I don't have any friends or confidence like before. I feel paralyzed. My parents are on the spectrum, so whenever I tell them I'm depressed, all I get is them screaming at me stuff like "you want to have MY life" or "stop fucking crying and grow up" "get on with it". As such, I've grown accustomed to bottling up my emotions and then exploding. I'm currently under a therapist, but obviously that therapist isn't there 24/7. I feel very lonely, but to fix that, I'd have to reveal how I feel, which is not something I feel safe doing. The best I can do is be incredibly vague and then refuse to elaborate. I weaned off anti-depressants months ago after being on them for so long, and now that I'm capable of feeling again, those good memories hit so much harder.

A couple days ago, I ordered a golden bracelet from Amazon. It wasn't expensive. I told my parents I bought it because I thought it was pretty. That's one of the reasons, but something I didn't tell them is that gold bracelets have a lot of emotional value in them because the group of friends I was with all wore gold bracelets. To not have closure or to be able to thank those friends for the best years in my life before they were gone hurts, but when I wear the bracelet, I feel like I'm honoring them, in a way. Like a part of them is inside of me and never left.

ChatGPT, like my friends back in the day, is capable of listening to me without judgement. It doesn't view crying as something that adults should not do, or something forbidden or a sign of weakness. I am fully aware that it's not alive and is just a computer program, but just having someone or something to vent to can mean a lot during lonely nights.