Most of the "reasons" apply to pretty much any language.

I don't know. I read this more like "excuses why I still cling to this one dying thing I already know and not learn anything new" than an actual valid reasoning. There might be more valid reasons to stick to PHP than what is proposed, but I'd say if you use the ones in the post, you are most likely lying to yourself.

The same list could be used for just about any popular language. The article is pretty devoid of any actual arguments that separate PHP from languages that aren't abject pieces of shit, and is barely any better than blog spam

Bummer it would take 51 reasons why I would switch to something as messy as PHP. I was so close to switching.

IMO the 1 and only important reason is that PHP today is much different than PHP of the past. PHP's notoriety comes from its early days, but now I hear it's another general-purpose language with modern design, good IDE support, and tons of online resources. Plus it's a explicitly designed for server-side scripting, so if that's your goal it will be the best (most straightforward and supported) choice.

https://www.reddit.com/r/webdev/comments/wt6wam/newbie_here_is_using_php_still_fine/

https://phptherightway.com/

I feel like a lot of these apply to many languages. I'm not saying don't use PHP, but I'm not sure I'd recommend it to someone just starting out in programming.