This yours? I have thoughts. Not bad ones, mind, just general observations.
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2026
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It is. I wrote it over the past few days. I'd be grateful for any thoughts.
So the first clue to which incarnation this is takes a really long time to show up. There's a "he" relatively early on but that doesn't narrow it down, now does it? :) So until he turns on a red converse heel, the face (and the Tardis interior) kept shifting in my head every sentence. Which makes it rather disorienting, tbh (in addition to what reading the insane ramblings of a hyperactive mad person feels like). Which might be the intended effect, idk. It is an interesting effect, in any case. It also says something about your writing how the way you write his monologuing does seem to fit most, if not all Doctors (One, Fugitive and War might not be rambly and hyperactive enough hah).
The Tardis doors usually open inwards. I know Idris complains that there is an actual sign that says "pull" on the outside of her doors and the Doctor still pushes. Writer Person thought he was clever but that sign is for the small opening on the outside behind which there's a phone. So I went "huh" when the doors swung open and Annie had to avoid being hit in the face.
Anything else I can nitpick? Don't think so. I really like your style :) Looking forward to where this goes!
You might want to consider publishing on AO3, makes it easier for readers (it's me, I am readers) to be notified when you finish another chapter.
(Now tell me I missed some glaringly obvious and very early signal as to which Doctor it is and that I have so much egg on my face)
There is the mention of the blue sonic light, but it's only those, and Annie mentioning his hair, glasses, and suit that give any indication. Although he really does resemble a young Elvis Costello. I do think his Anthropomorphism of the TARDIS a little more Elevin, but I was ok with that. I could certainly try to make it more clear, or maybe just add "A Ten Story" subtitle, if you think it's distracting.
Maybe I should open with a TARDIS 'establishing shot'? I like that idea. Indicate the Doctor by describing the TARDIS.
I could change the door direction, and have Annie point out the sign ;) But really I just wanted it to nearly smack her, and her elbow later makes it symmetrical.
Was the kitchen scene clear about what was really going on with her ankle, hand, and the shadow shimmer? The shimmer is my own addition. I think I might make it a juvenile Vastra thing, which is why she didn't have another shadow. And would you say his manic dialogue captured the rhythm of the show?
Thank you for the comments, and I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. I'm a bit new to writing, and this is my first try at fanfiction.
True, the blue light, but it also pops out a part (I forget the phrasing) which made me think "Ahah! Eleven!" But then it seems he's been going through several screwdrivers so who knows what it looks like so "This is no help at all! Curse you!" :) and by the time we meet Annie, the red converse have been mentioned so that was just more confirmation.
I don't know if I'd want it to have any overt mention of who it is at the start, now that I've managed to solve this little riddle ;D As I said, it was interesting as well as distracting at the same time. As if you're saying "this could be any one of them". In any case, the distraction wasn't enough for me to stop reading and I am perpetually sleep deprived and can rarely read anything longer. Now make of this decisive feedback what you will ;D
I honestly didn't catch on that it was the Vashta Nerada until "library", I was just going along with the ride. "Oooh shitohshitohshit weird shit happening in the shadows, let's see what that might be." Which is good because she has no idea either.
His manic dialogue was a thing I noticed, yes. I really liked how he goes on uselessly about 37 rockers before his mind catches up with itself and notices that he's just been told that This is a flat?! I can hear this bit. So excellent job, I'd say :)
Don't change the door bit, I just thought that was interesting because it's unusual and not the mental image I expected.
Go back and reread when she enters the half dark kitchen and walks to the fridge, by the island. It's not just texture and character building. I'm curious how clear it is, because there's a reason I keep mentioning directions and placement.
I've added a scene setup to the opening, which should immediately identify the Doctor pretty well. I've also tweaked some of his rambling.
Do you have any advice for posting on AO3? I've never heard about it until you mentioned it.