This is really a monumental societal change.
3rd spaces are nearly completely destroyed, and online seems to be the main option for ppl now.
Looks like a whale, mouth on the left
this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2025
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Needing an app through a business to find love is fucking depressing.
well thats the one place I'll never look lol, rip me
Can confirm, when I was a teenager I met my girlfriend over Myspace, and recently I met a really dope chick through OKCupid. I think I've been on one date in my entire life that wasn't started over the internet (she was someone I worked in retail with).
I'm not in the US but I met my wife online, as did a few of my friends. The overall process of finding someone compatible took years though and it wasn't very much fun. It's probably worse now that dating apps are actively invested in keeping you single and swiping.
i really dont know if i should do online dating, like i mean i kind of want to meet someone and this is how to do it appearently, but also i rather would meet someone by chance and get to know them over time.. And like furthermore everytime i try these apps, it ends up with me beeing obsessed just about the matches itself, feeling either good or bad, and no intrest to actually chat with people since like it feels a bit forced and like i dont know, it is automatically like multiple chats, since mostly likely some dont respond and this for example already feels weird and then it is more like just chatting with someone than chatting with a specific person if that makes sense.. and like it does not feel like fun or anything to talk with multiple people basically about the same stuff and so on.. i hope someone understands what i mean
i dont really spend much time on dating apps and last time was years ago to be fair tho
I'm going to start dating again sometime soon, so this is something I've been thinking about a lot.
I hate that if I go on an app and make a contact, the ostensible purpose will be to date. When that's the purpose, at some point an evaluation will have to be made. Either that purpose is met or it isn't. You could have a conversation about being friends or considering your options, but I'm sure starting that conversation feels awkward and hurtful. It would feel like downgrading them from the original intent behind meeting.
Not starting that conversation could be delaying the dreams of two people though, so there would be a time crunch to make a decision before I might be ready. It feels like this will inevitably end up with throwing aside people who could be great to have as friends.
A connection shouldn't be a decision, it should be something that happens. I'd rather just hang out with someone with the expectation that we're hoping to be friends, and if there is a connection we'll see it in each other sooner or later. Unfortunately for me, striking up conversations with single women to be friends with while having the thought of going further in the back of my mind might as well be the definition of creeper behavior.
Here is some friendly advice from someone who online dated since the beginning (and I mean starting using online personal ads with eloquent long-form stories on Craigslist of all places, which would look like AI with more personality wrote it given how long): don't do it.
You are aware of the basics with the toxic pattern of online dating. The other elements are more insidious. But all of that aside, the biggest problem is nobody really says who they are and nobody really understands what they want.
The only real option is to live in a way that makes you happy, with no expectation of anyone joining you. In the course of ACTION, you may meet someone taking the same action, and that is a bond that cannot easily be forged online.
If you want a real connection, live in a real way. Do the things you dreamed of but never dared. Take risks living the way YOU want, not the way you've been taught. The closer you come to living how you truly want, the closer you will come to Someone living the same way. You can never meet them as long as you live someone else's life.
When you give so much thought and attention to dating, you will find others giving so much thought and attention to dating. That is a consuming identity. Consider what it means.
- emotional states tied to someone else
- mind always on feeling good based on finding the right person
- calibrated to "the search"
- believes in a companionship as the saving grace, the thing missing
- my person isn't making me feel good, so I need to find a person that does, good thing I can passively browse online, no harm in that...
...and so on. Online dating as it is now is an addiction and a disease. You might be able to have (bad) sex on it, and you might be able to learn more about yourself and random people you'd never otherwise cross paths with, but for the most part, it is nearly impossible to meet an ideal match.
The top 10% of men "get" the top 50% of women online. The top 50% of women all compete over (and mostly share) the top 10%, thinking they deserve more. The curve is exponential so the numbers at the 1% are insane. And what does "top" even mean?
People look enviously at the "top". But they shouldn't. Sure, they're banging "hot people" all the time along with spreading their hot diseases, but that is where the depth of connection ends. Many of them evolve into SNAGs (spiritual new age guys) for this reason. They are trapped in a cycle of being on top, never exploring other options because they are receiving everything society has deemed as the purpose of it. Yet inside, they rot away, more alone than anyone. There was a person in them once. A child with dreams. Now there is a dark empty void that keeps growing.
Anyway, this hellish online landscape doesn't have to be this way. If the systems were designed right and culture evolved, it could be extremely possible and downright prudent to find healthy connections. It would operate passively and automatically and we would organically encounter amazing matches. But right now, online dating is captured by greedy corporate interests and is a toxic wasteland to keep you addicted and longing, desperate, and hungry.
This is true for man or woman. Men are turned into ravenous & desperate worms that gyrate at the slightest possibility. Women are turned into tyrant queens believing they are laced in gold with infinite options, yet all the options are diseased maggots living as a shadow of their being. Both create a desperately alone populace longing for something more, and they don't even know what that "more" is.
It's the real you dude. Go take a hike, hug a tree, focus on hobbies, and stop chasing broken dreams. Real people aren't drawn to longing. They're drawn to living.
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Fuck the commodification of human relationships. I wish people wouldn't support that