datahoarder

MESA, AZ—Gleefully describing the inevitable day when society would collapse and digital files would become unusable, local physical media collector David Campbell confirmed Wednesday he was “absolutely pumped” for the downfall of humanity. “When it all goes down, there’s only going to be one place to watch the Tomb Raider movies in their entirety with all the deleted scenes, and that’s going to be my bunker,” said Campbell, his eyes reportedly shining as he described how the end of organized society and the dissolution of government would make his cherished stockpile of Blu-rays even more valuable.

“No one will be mocking the CDs I’m still holding onto when the internet goes dark forever and the only way to listen to music is through boom boxes we trade canned goods for. And I’m definitely one of the only people who has a region-free DVD player and all three seasons of Father Ted plus the Christmas special, so I’ll essentially be a king. I can’t wait.” At press time, Campbell was grinning as he purchased the 50th anniversary edition of Jaws in 4k, which he anticipated would give him full control over the drinking water supply in the event of a nuclear winter situation.