this post was submitted on 22 May 2025

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Mutual_Aid discussion post (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago by CARCOSA@hexbear.net to c/hexbear@hexbear.net

236 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hello users of hexbear:

Due to recent meta posts in our mutual aid community we wanted to open up discussion about the community !mutual_aid@hexbear.net

We will never require explanation or justification from a user asking for aid in the community, and the mod and admin team continue to commit to not featuring an individual's mutual aid request to prevent unfair exposure.

In addition, we will maintain a strict "No critical comments or meta comments" on a mutual aid post.

This post is to discuss the mutual aid community's rule of allowing meta posts: mutual aid as a community, those making posts in it and those commenting on posts.

We are considering removing the exception allowing meta posts but wanted to involve the userbase before committing to a change.

Please comment with any thoughts, feelings, or suggestions regarding this change.

Thank you

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[–] CARCOSA@hexbear.net 30 points 13 hours ago (45 children)

Wanted to update what the considered changes to the community are in summary:

users can post 3 times a week, asks no more than 100$ each post
display name is changed to "emergency aid"
users communicate if they are open to non monetary resources (local aid groups, etc.)
user requests aid, amount requested in title using [$0/$x] format
users donate and report the post with the amount donated, mods note it or report it with a message indicating they donated so a mod can comment
user updates title with amount received and the thread is locked when the goal is met
meta posts are no longer permitted

We will do a follow up post where voting on keeping the community as is or changing it will occur.

If you want to propose changes to this summary please answer in a comment below this one.

do you think there should be a weekly limit on amount requested?
do you think there should be a weekly limit on amount of posts?
do you think mods should keep track of amounts received via user reports after donating?
do you think we change the name from mutual_aid to emergency aid?
do you think we should allow meta posts?

[–] MiraculousMM@hexbear.net 23 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

I agree with everything except limiting the amount requested. That seems arbitrary and would make the comm useless to people who need more than $100 (or whatever limit we would set), as emergencies often are more costly than that especially in the current economy. Imo the other requested changes would greatly improve the experience for both requestors and donators without setting a hard cap on how much someone can ask for.

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[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 6 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

Setting a limit is pointless as it's all voluntary anyway. I want people to be honest about their needs.

I think a posting limit is good as it will give a better overall view of people's needs in the comm. Those needs don't typically change throughout the week unless it's an emergency

I don't like the idea of this, it's very micromanagey

Name is fine

No meta posts, it's disgusting when people attack each others credibility here and it hurts both the accused and accusers. I don't expect people to be 100% honest here, if they feel the need to lie in order to get fed I'm not going to hold them to the same moral standard I would hold someone who's financially stable and well fed.

[–] Sulvy@hexbear.net 24 points 13 hours ago

A posting limit might be okay but I don’t think we should limit amount asked.

Tracking would be nice

No need to change the name, it’s just semantics at that point.

No meta posts, if users have actual proof of scamming, they should submit it to the mods and admins.

[–] mendiCAN@hexbear.net 9 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (7 children)

tldr: NO

Im still failing to see a problem with how things are currently run. can i get more info without calling anyone out? i read thru these replies and im pretty confused about this and why things even need to change.

do you think there should be a weekly limit on amount requested?

not-built-for-this how tf are we equipped to know what constitutes a proper limit?

do you think there should be a weekly limit on amount of posts?

no-police how would this even help? what problem is this addressing? are people upset about scrolling by requests? those people need to just block the comm.

If we're bound and determined to "fix" the issue for comrades who just can't stand to see people asking for money, maybe a major format change could be something like a featured megathread instead? i don't even like that idea at all, I'm sure that idea has a major downsides but i still think it's better than trying to limit posts.

do you think mods should keep track of amounts received via user reports after donating?

blob-no that seems like an awful lot of work for the mods. i don't want my donations tracked either.

Furthermore, what is the endpoint of this accounting, besides eventually questioning aid receivers on the "proper use" of funds received?

do you think we change the name from mutual_aid to emergency aid?

john-agony

i hate semantics, hate hate hate hate hate them.

do you think we should allow meta posts?

"meta" as in users attacking or questioning aid receivers, like hella super bugs-no

"meta" posts as in like...directing donators and requesters to aid programs, yes!

Sticky, sidebar something that might help people get aid they didn't know was available, or help donators wantin to direct their funds to more accountable, established aid programs might be nice.

gotta be i-get-it alla these ideas just seem like means testing with different coats of paint.

Are people donating really upset about their donations not "doing what they should"? I... really think those folks need to take a deep breath and reevaluate what it means to give.

What funds spared will not prevent people needing money again; no matter how we wish it were different. No matter how "well" the receiver spends it. Offering a donation —no matter how high— is never enough payment towards the right to judge how well it is spent.

Those who want to arbitrate "proper" use of donated money should either donate to an org, or put their money where their mouth is, and post their budgets!

Then they should sit on their hands and listen, contrite, as their comrades explain sanctimoniously how their spending could be better directed towards more mutual_aid.

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[–] whatnots@hexbear.net 9 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

input for all of these changes should prioritize c/mutual_aid users thoughts first and foremost. from what i've gathered reading this thread, most of these proposed changes are from users who don't interact with c/mutual_aid or are themselves donors. this is not prioritizing the community members most impacted by these changes and instead they're being ignored, combatted, or scared shitless by these potential changes. these changes have very real and potentially dire consequences for these users. all this doesn't feel right at all.

[–] CARCOSA@hexbear.net 11 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

some of the suggestions were from private messages from people receiving donations feeling that the current state of the community is not healthy. you are correct about the changes if any should priotritize the community members that would be most impacted. I will reach out privately to those people to see what they think should happen. Do you think that we should keep meta-posts?

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[–] Damarcusart@hexbear.net 16 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

do you think there should be a weekly limit on amount requested?

I don't think this is very helpful, different people will have different financial situations, and if we are trying to focus more on emergency aid, some emergencies are much more costly than others. I think this will actively encourage "spamming" at the start of a week and the comm will get flooded with requests all at once, making it much easier for some to slip through the cracks.

do you think there should be a weekly limit on amount of posts?

This one I agree with, especially with a focus on emergency aid, though I think the mods may have to make exceptions in very specific circumstances, someone having two massive disasters in one week is rare, but not unheard of. I doubt it will ever actually come up though.

do you think mods should keep track of amounts received via user reports after donating?

I like this idea a lot. I would rather donations not be loud public displays, I don't feel comfortable donating in such a way, but just a simple tracking system will go a long way, while not actively spotlighting anyone, plus I think seeing locked posts that have had their goals met will be good for morale.

do you think we change the name from mutual_aid to emergency aid?

I think since mutual aid is probably a bit too difficult to do over an online anonymous system like this, it is probably better phrased that way.

do you think we should allow meta posts?

I think a monthly meta thread could be good, one that enables people to ask for aid that isn't necessarily financial, more things like advice and support. It could also be a good way to "allow" meta discussion without it taking over the comm.

[–] bort@hexbear.net 17 points 12 hours ago

I think a monthly meta thread could be good, one that enables people to ask for aid that isn't necessarily financial, more things like advice and support. It could also be a good way to "allow" meta discussion without it taking over the comm.

I like this idea. A regular megathread of advice and resources would actually feel more like mutual aid than just charity.

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[–] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 4 points 8 hours ago

Also I want to say something about the criticism, if you can call it that, I’m receiving down-thread:

Nobody brought their concerns up, either publicly, when I directly asked the community if everything was OK, nor privately, over DM. And then you don’t @ me, so that I can just continue being blissfully unaware of why it seems like everyone hates me.

What’s really cool about this, too, is when someone makes some balls to the wall dumb statement, like accusing me of having bought two cars or that I had my car impounded after I harassed the neighbors (where the fuck did the last one even come from?), I have no opportunity to try to set the record straight. And then it just spreads like a game of telephone.

[–] LGOrcStreetSamurai@hexbear.net 7 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

I know that one of the primary pillars of leftist thought of any stripe is helping each other help each other, but reading through mutual_aid always bums me out because I wish I could do more to help those in need I myself am also broke.

It reminds me of all the heart churning stories on gofundme, people need help (people need a lot more than help but you know what I mean). It’s a shame our loose web of online weirdos can’t catch everyone who is slipping.

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[–] git@hexbear.net 7 points 10 hours ago

I’ve donated twice, one of those was probably a scam in the early days of this site but I really don’t care what people do with the money because if I’m donating it on fucking hexbear dot net I’ve already made peace with it.

If you fear you’re throwing your money away or think this is some kind of parasocial investment instrument you need to move on, stop moralising, and log off.

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 11 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

If people think something is a scam they can take it up with the mods. No need to make meta posts. We're not going to shame the needy anymore than society already does. I don't want mutual_aid turn into some liberal means tested "hmmmm but are you really poor?" BS. Nope. On the other hand I think we are too small to be a reliable source of aid for people. I don't know what the solution is, but whatever is decided I hope we don't turn to the dehumanising judgement practices that cause this kind of desperation in the first place.

[–] CARCOSA@hexbear.net 12 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

none of the changes would be with the intent of placing means testing on users posting there, more so trying to standardize it so that everyone can get a fair chance of being seen there while trying to make space for non-monetary resources to be shared.

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[–] Seasonal_Peace@hexbear.net 19 points 13 hours ago

I think things should stay the way they are. Maybe there should just be a limit on how often someone can post. It’s a bit unsettling to see some people asking for help week after week, it starts to feel like the help is already factored into their budget and not like an emergency fund.

I don’t say this from a place of ignorance. I grew up in deep poverty myself, and I genuinely wish for all people to be lifted out of poverty and to have all their needs met. Otherwise, I wouldn’t call myself a communist.

[–] Blockocheese@hexbear.net 5 points 10 hours ago (3 children)

I've done some self crit and no longer think meta posting should be allowed

I think the path forward dealing with potential scams should be the user who thinks someone is scamming should message the mods/admins, they can determine if the accused user should be banned, and then they make a mod post if they choose to ban them

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[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 6 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Honestly looking back over this thread makes me afraid to even ask for aid anymore. I had no idea it was this much of an issue simmering under the surface and that worries the fuck out of me because I rely on this place to keep myself fed. It honestly feels like fixing something that wasn't broken.

[–] CARCOSA@hexbear.net 7 points 11 hours ago

the community has ebbed and flowed with the amount of use and understandably so it is being used more than in the past. the intent of the changes is to try and reduce barriers to those posting in the community and make it more fair for all posters. this is a follow up to the change we made no longer site pinning individual mutual aid posts and dealing with the increasing amount of meta-posting regarding the community and those that use it.

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