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Killing a cow?

Nah we fixed that

Now it's mayo or those little tiny chopped onions

Patties that are tall instead of wide

incorrect bun to burger ratio... too much, too little. there is a balance that must be achieved!

I recall vividly the burger place that came highly recommended by my sister and her then fiancée. They had eaten there on two previous occasions and they were particularly impressed by the quality of the buns that the burger place used. Sis and her SO are very aware of my appreciation for, as well of my critical attitude towards burgers. Suffice it to say, I was looking forward to trying a burger at this highly acclaimed joint.
So I reserved a table for one. I figured I should reduce distractions and go eat alone. I had to wait a couple of days, since the place was fully booked until Friday. When Friday evening came around, I was ready: I had made sure to eat only a light lunch and I had checked the menu beforehand so I knew exactly which burger I wanted (it was called the wrestler).
Service was great and the place had an atmosphere about it that fit wit a burger joint that takes its food seriously. Unfortunately, a guy at the table next to mine was being very loud which annoyed me. So I approached the waiter about this and he said not to let this man distract me from the fact that in 1998, the undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table.

Pickles. I hate them in burgers, but fine when eaten with other food.

Ketchup. I don't like ketchup.

Pickles. I LOVE pickles but keep them away from my burgers

Arsenic

Cruelty, violence, atrocity, etc.

Bacon! Even before I quit eating meat I hated bacon on my burgers, I'm an odd duck though.

Nowadays I'm a simple girlie: black bean patty, some veggie Texas chili, a dollop of green chili sauce, and a sprinkle of cotija is my perfect burger.

Rice

Cucumbers, especially fresh ones instead of pickles.

Too large to eat without cutlery. Double, triple etc. burgers are stupid.

avocado/guacamole

We go out and eat at a nearby restaurant with the office once a week and it's always a highlight when they have a burger on the menu. But like half the time they ruin it by adding guacamole.

for me, lack of juicy toppings and sauces and spicy stuff.

I’ll pretty tolerant and will eat anything, but the easiest way to ruin a good burger is a soggy bun!

Pineapple slices or rucola

Onions.

American cheese

Sliced tomatoes. One bite and that darn slice launches into orbit. (Or my lap)

Ketchup! I haven’t put ketchup on a burger for a while and it’s a life decision I’ll never go back on

Tomatoes.

Greenery.