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The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/InertNightStand on 2025-03-09 02:21:02+00:00.
I(25M) consider myself a nice guy. I treat everyone(especially women) equally and with great respect. Given this, when I saw a woman standing on the side of the road holding out a thumbs up, I did not hesitate to give her a ride. I know most people view this as a dangerous act, and yes, my town does have a cult problem, but all of the people who have been arrested for murder are tatted up bald men so I knew I was in the clear. As she approached my car I tried to determine how attractive she was (not that it mattered) and I determined that in my humble opinion, she was not very attractive (not that it matters). She hopped in the back passenger seat and thanked me for picking her up. Based on her deep voice I determined she must be a smoker. I've never been a cigarette guy, I prefer vaping because of the flavor. I didn't want my car to smell like cigarette smoke so I asked her not to smoke in my car to which she said "cigarettes won't be the only thing getting smoked tonight". Based on that response I figured I was talking to a barbeque enthusiast and decided to make small talk about meat.
"So. Are you a butt or shoulder kind of woman?", I asked inquisitively
"I love to eat both", she replied
"Me too. I find the butt is easier to cut up though. Especially when smoked"
"I actually enjoy carving something up when it's tough. Using my knives to cut through flesh and sever tendons. I love imagining the screams", she added
It was then that I realized I had made a mistake. This was a real deal meat expert. I couldn't keep up in the conversation and I wasn't about to be outsmarted by a woman (not that her gender matters). All this food talk was making my mouth wet. Wet with saliva. I was starving. I could eat anything. I decided that a mint would suffice so I decided to ask.
"Do you happen to have a mint that I could have? I'm not planning to kiss you, I'm just hungry", I asked
"Oh I suppose I can give you a last meal."
I'm not completely sure what she meant by this but I do have brown hair so she could be referencing the painting of The Last Supper with Jesus in it and comparing me to him. Due to this, I decided to take this odd remark as a compliment. She dug through her bag and pulled out a small yellow mint with a wrapper that was clear on one side and had what looked like a foil wrap on the other. My stomach grumbled. I was starved. I did hit a deer because I was turned around staring at her while driving but I have been driving for 8 years and hitting only one deer in that time is pretty good so I wasn't upset by it. I decided to focus on the road. That's when I heard her speak up from the back.
"Take it"
I didn't want to look back because I didn't want the deer to try to up the score on me, so I reached back using my rearview mirror to guide my hand. This did not work well because when I looked in my mirror I could not find her. After a lot of thrusting and shaking of my hand she eventually put it in my hand. As soon as it hit my hand, my hand flew to my mouth like a flash of lightning. Due to this, I did eat the packaging. I normally don't do this so I think it's okay that it happened this one time. I was now extremely thankful that my hunger had ended and decided to turn around to shake her hand. When I stuck out my right hand, she followed suit. I did notice that on her wrist she had a tattoo of a dragon with a sword through it's head and a phrase in a language I did not know. I don't really like girls with tattoos (not that my attraction to her matters).
After she shook my hand she did something weird. She pulled on her hair and it slid off her head. I assume she was wearing a wig because she was now completely bald and pulling out that much hair would make your average person let out a loud "YAAOOOWWW" out of pain. This is when I realized she probably had cancer.
"Oh no! You're going to die soon!", I exclaimed
"I hope so", she replied
"Oh ... well I guess it's good you've accepted it"
A weird grim came across her face. Upon studying this grin I found that she also had a beard. Not my thing, but that's not relevant.
"You really shouldn't be picking up random strangers", she said
"Well it's no problem", I replied
"Oh it is. There's a lot of dangerous people in this area", she answered
"Yeah. Guess it's a good thing you're not one of them", I responded
I hit another deer
"I forgot to ask. Where are you heading anyway"
"Me? I'm heading to hell. But ... not before you", she responded
"Ma'am, I'm an atheist", I informed her
"You'll soon reconsider"
"Let's not discuss religion", I replied, hoping to end this line of discussion
I decided to focus on the road so that the dear couldn't further their lead on me. I decided that conversing with her wasn't going great so I decided to put on some music. The first thing that came on my playlist was Lana Del Rey. I decided to change it because I didn't want her to think I put this on just because she was a woman. That would be patronizing. I hit skip and the next thing that came on was the hit song Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar. If you don't know who that is, he is an esteemed African American artist. Based on her being an older white woman, I don't think she could appreciate the culture. I ultimately decided to turn the radio off
"Are you a good singer?", I asked
"Let me out here", she responded
"What? This road is dark. It might not be safe"
"Please for the love of God please just let me out", she pleaded
I did as she asked. I pulled over and she hopped out without saying anything and began running down the road. Overall it was a weird experience to be honest (and not just because she was a woman). The thing that has left me confused about this incident is how come she did not have a reflection? I guess she could have been contorting her body in a way that she missed my rearview mirror but I find that unlikely because she seems older and spinal mobility tends to deteriorate with time. Let me know if this was weird or if I'm overreacting. Also ... happy International Women's Day!