Eh it still seems like it isn't that big of a deal what the words say to me at the root of the issue, as I said if it said "she" which is similarly exclusive not even to men because who cares but to nonbinary people and the like, and the maintainer refused to change it for whatever reason, I still wouldn't feel too strongly about it even though I'm technically excluded.

Maybe if she said "men can't use my software" or something I'd feel excluded, but if she just says "eh I'm not changing it to 'they' because X" I wouldn't care.