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Why does “come here” bother me so much?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
385 points (91.4% liked)
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Not the same by my husband used to start to tell me something bad, without any other info. As he’d be telling me whatever it was, I’d be tallying the cost in my head. When you’re listening to a story, and stressing the fuck out about the tens of thousands, or more it was going to cost to fix it, it’s terrible and an emotional roller coaster you don’t need. Eventually, after explaining multiple times, what he was doing to me, it finally clicked. So now he’ll tell me things like “so, I broke the blah blah, but I was able to fix it for $10 and some bloody knuckles.” Then he tells his story, and I’m able to actually listen and participate in then conversation.
He also used to tell me stuff like “oh btw we need to talk about xxx” and then try to get off the phone. Xxx was always something that could be really bad or just funny story. I broke him of that habit too. Now it’s more like “everything’s fine, just need to talk about xxx” this one’s like someone telling you “we need to talk” and then leaving you hanging for a day or two imo.
Only thing I call tell you is to talk to him. Explain in great detail exactly how stressful it is to you. He SHOULD be willing to change his action to stop hurting you. If he’s not, base your choices off that.
Semi-related, my dad taught me if no one was hurt/nothing bad happened to start with that. Like if a friend was in a car accident I start “Everyone is ok, but Michael got rear ended this morning” or “There was minimal damage thankfully, but a tornado went through Jessica’s neighborhood last night”. No point in making someone go through that roller coaster.
Yup. Basically the same thing. I got run over by a deer in my Miata. Car was still drivable-ish but the windshield was smashed on the passenger side (along with a lot of ultimately non critical parts, largely cosmetic). I was trying to decide whether I should try to limp it to my shop (like 3 miles away on low traffic residential roads) or try to get a tow, from a very unsafe location to be broken down, on a highway. I started the conversation “I’m fine, but I just hit a deer”. Imo it’s the polite way to treat bad news about loved ones.