this post was submitted on 01 Apr 2024
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GenZedong
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Dating apps make me feel so unlovable. I never get matches and when I do they unmatch me when I send a message. I'm on lesbian Tinder and it feels like they consider me undateable for being a pre-transition trans woman
I heard it's the same for transwomen in hetro tinder and even for Grindr
I feel like dating apps have set this weird precedent where you meet someone and you immediately have to decide whether they're someone you want to date/ ave a relationship with or if they're someone that you want to be friends with but in my experience the people that I've dated have typically been people I was friends with and then it kind of naturally just becomes a little more romantic and a little less platonic.
I can't help but feel like that was how it was before online dating became the norm.. You know, you become friends with a woman/man, and then maybe it becomes a little more than that, and if it doesn't, I don't see why you still can't be friends. Just make it very clear that if one party isn't interested in the same way as the other party, it's up to that other party to come to terms with that, and as long as that other party can come to terms with that and move on and not be like, "well, you know, you're the only one for me", then I don't see what's wrong with this logic.
For what its worth im a cis white dude and have largely the same experience, I think those apps just absolutely suck. I find Tinder is especially bad for that, fairly certain a significant portion of accounts are bots. Maybe try Hinge ? I have had more luck at least having decent conversations on there, though honestly I think it is just incredibly hard to actually form a connection with someone on a dating app. I find myself unable to maintain interest in talking to someone over text but also not overly interested in going on a date with anyone I talk to. Might just be a me thing but I feel like maybe it is true for a lot of people.