Hi there, I've been in that "wouldn't mind if something happened" phase for five years or so, with spurts of active ideation. I have chronic tonic clonic (lmfao) seizures (epilepsy), have chronic depression, I've developed agoraphobia and have been self-isolating similar to you. I've also lost 35lbs the past couple years from an already less-than-healthy weight. Every therapy session is about food and it's exhausting. Every week it's "what got in your way of eating?", "what am I missing?", "How can we make it easier to eat next week?"... (it's good therapy, just frustrating).

I'm a good friend but whenever my friends ask about me I feel like I never have anything but doom and gloom when they're off living l vibrant lives (not without their own struggles of course). So it's hard to feel like it's worth being my friend and like I'm doing them a favor pulling away.

Probably nothing helpful in there, just turned into my own venting... Lol. But if you don't currently see a psychologist or therapist please do look into it.