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Set up the regular Nextcloud install, instead of the AIO. The AIO is not required for any of the things you need, so you end up with lots of stuff you are not gonna touch.
I use Nextcloud with:
Tasks can work together with the Tasks.org Android client and there are seperate apps for Notes and Cookbook, while Calendar and Contacts can integrate with your mobile apps via DavX5 using CalDav.
Seems this is what I should do too
So far this is the sanest setup for my usecase. I was only looking at the AIO docker because I thought it would be easier to scale back, rather than up from the regular. Thanks for sharing!