I know, I'm on the spectrum too. This data is really the results of years of studying and a minor in psych to fit in.

And it isn't NTs making things difficult, it's our biological drives. We have them too, just we find fitness tests exhausting and unnecessary and are far more motivated by good conversation than full lips or wide limbal rings.

It's a sad truth that most people don't follow the 'getting slowly to know each other', and it is true that this kind of method works well with some, not just autists, but the majority of people are swimming in a sea of ten thousand little unnoticed fitness checks. Again this usually isn't conscious, it's not like NTs have a list of things they consciously tick off.

It's more of an aggregate result, and is of course intensely subjective.

Yes it is exhausting to keep up with it, but once you understand the biological foundation, you start to feel a bit more sympathetic to NTs that they are a lot more beholden to these biological drives than we are.

Let me use the butterfly metaphor:

So butterflies have a very limited time to reproduce, and since they only get one stab at it, it is very much in the best interest to quickly find the best possible mate.

This is where mating dances come in. Both butterflies want the best possible mate, and for those species that usually means someone who is a really good flyer. Flying takes a lot of energy and is a great indicator of general health. I'm sure coloration comes in as well but that's not so much the focus here.

They keep chasing and fleeing each other to see how good and fast a flyer the other is. In my mind they are getting more and more turned on by how good their partner can dodge and chase until if both butterflies are satisfied then they share genes and go off to lay eggs before they die. It may seem exhausting but it serves a very important purpose of making sure your kids have the best chance at life. It's also likely not conscious, just a triggered series of behaviors.

My hypothesis for spectrum existers is that biologically we 'know' that the best possible survival tactic is being smart, and that this rates higher than any amount of full hips, large lips, limbal rings and physique. So in-depth conversation on complicated topics are major turn ons for us.