How do you tell gender envy from attraction? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by Stoneblackdog@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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I am currently on vacation and going to the beach sucks because I see these girls my age and think "Holy shit, I want to look like that." But then I get heavy impostor syndrome. Maybe this is just me being attracted and wanting to be trans, so my brain makes it think it's envious when it's just attracted? So, how do you tell envy from attraction?

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[-] RileyIsBad@beehaw.org 23 points 1 year ago

Why not both?

I'm a transfemme lesbian, and pretty much ever cute girl I see makes me freak out like that. Like, "do I want to be them or be with them?

It's definitely hard to deal with in the beginning, especially if you haven't fully accepted that you're trans. Just to remind you, cis people don't think like that :p

Hope that helps <3

[-] Evergreen5970@beehaw.org 16 points 1 year ago

Cis woman attracted to men here. If I woke up tomorrow looking like the most attractive man I’d ever seen, I would freak out and find a doctor who would help me transition back as soon as possible.

[-] MxVivian@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

This is so hilarious to me because I never realized how many cis people undoubtedly feel this way 😂

[-] hoyland@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Though it's worth mentioning that it's crap as an "am I trans" thought experiment. I am long post-medical transition and my reaction is "well that'd be weird, but whatever, I'd get on with life, I suppose" and then I remember I've been there, done that! Somehow transitioning was very much about my body (top surgery was like a switch flipping) and also not about my body.

[-] Evergreen5970@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

Sorry, I thought I was being helpful. Should I delete my comment?

[-] hoyland@beehaw.org 3 points 1 year ago

No, no. The "oh god that'd be terrible" reaction is probably a pretty good indicator one isn't trans (or at least I've never encountered a trans person reporting that pre-transition), it's just that people sometimes assume the "well that'd be odd, but whatever" reaction doesn't exist in people both cis and trans.