I’ve been off work in April. I’d been struggling to do anything, even the simplest of tasks and eventually everything ground to a halt. It’s usually pretty bad during winter times, but some years it’s particularly horrible. I was diagnosed initially as Bipolar Type 2 as the issue seemed to be a cycle of long downs and ups. Then I got an ADHD diagnosis and the medication helped with the ‘brain fog’. But it didn’t solve everything. After awhile the task initiation problem always reappears. My doctors often say it’s depression and increase the anti-depressant medication I’m on. Sometimes you get a temporary bump in activity a few weeks later but it never really goes away for good.
A recent trip to the northern summer where my symptoms mostly alleviated suggested it’s likely a co-morbidity between Seasonal Affective Disorder and ADHD. I’ve started light therapy which is helping a little, but I still feel stuck.
The attached image is my ‘model’ for how I function. Currently, at the start of Spring, I feel the same as I did late April when I left work. This makes sense accordingly to the model. But it feels like the uptake in energy during the summer is masking this task initiation problem rather than being a ‘cure’ for it. Every time the energy dips below normal it reveals how much I’m struggling.
I’m sick of this. I just want to go back to work. Summers are great – I go running, eat healthy, get creative, fix up the house. Every other season is rubbish.
This is more of a rant than anything else, but any advice would be appreciated. Other than saying ‘just start small and do the task’ that is. I’ve been given that advice way too many times to no effect.
I do wonder if this is just your natural cycle. It makes sense that you're active in the Summer when life is abundant and easier while in Winter life dies/hides and you too find it harder.
In our modern world it's easy to feel like you have to be productive all the time. The system tells us to reach for medication to 'fix' things and feel 'normal'. Don't get me wrong, medication can be wonderful and it's fair to want more from your life. But idk, we're animals and so we are affected by the changing seasons.
Vitamin D and a Winter holiday to somewhere sunny are good suggestions. I live somewhere with intense Summer/Winter seasons too and life is just harder in the cold and dark. More rest and being kinder to yourself i hope would help. What would it take to not feel like you're struggling when your energy is low?