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Who exactly can see a private message on Lemmy? Anyone who runs a server? Or only the sending/receiving server?
And what all is your experience with Matrix? I don't have an account, and imagine I would need one if someone wants to message me there.
Well, for one, it's a protocol, so it would be like saying email is spyware. Of course Gmail, Outlook, etc. do lots of spying, but it will depend on the provider. If you go with something like mailbox or posteo, where you have stronger GDPR protections and no logging policies, then there will be less spying (not none, as people who receive your emails will likely still be using Gmail or similar)
If you are claiming that Element or some other client is spyware, you would need to have solid evidence for that, which is pretty easy since it's all open-source!