A tumblr post by
@ironmanstan
headcanon: since meeting ant man, no one dares to fuck with spider man cause they think he can control spiders and fuck that tbh. he defeats villains by threatening to order spiders to infest their house,, his success rate is 100%, new york is crime-free in less than a month,
@ironmanstan
antman:
villain: what you going to do huh? steal my picnic food? lmao let me get the magnifying glass
spiderman:
villain:
villain: ill just turn myself in,
He has the strength, agility, wall-climbing and precognitive powers of a spider. Tho the spidersense is kind of a stretch; real spiders just have super sensitive hairs that can detect movement in atmosphere. Spidey just has... telepathic warning signals? ๐คทโโ๏ธ
He has a strange "tingling" feeling, before shooting his web.
No one tell him.
Turns out Spider-Man's powers are just an allegory for puberty.
Spiders aren't particularly strong and only ambushing spiders are agile, and most arthropods have those hairs. Where are the spidermen with the ability to jump 50x body length or covered in hairs that break off and cause the worst iching attack known to man?