Title says it all, I just can't find a reason to keep going for myself. The only reasons I haven't found a way out of living is because:
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I haven't found a method with a good success rate that would be painless, not messy, and if I messed up wouldn't leave me with a lifelong condition.
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The fact that it would cause a massive amount of pain and grief for family and friends, and probably push my mother and my uncle over the edge for them to do something similar.
That's it. I should be greatful and happy, I've come a very long way from some serious shite situations including being massively in debt, so broke I was eating sleep, a shouting match filled childhood looking after my mum, a hellish work environment that drove me to my last attempt, and being bullied and isolated at school so much that if I wasn't in a country with strict gun laws I would have actioned a plan that made the Columbine teens look like amateurs.
But no, I genuinely can't find a reason as to live for myself. It fucking annoys me that I'm having to stay alive out of guilt for other people. Everything I see in the world seems to just be descending into more and more conflict, the summers keep getting hotter, and despite there being solutions available they're not being implemented fast enough because a handful of rich pricks aren't happy the number in their portfolio.
There's nothing I find externally that fuels me with a passion for living so instead of just getting the death over with I feel pressured by society to accept the longer drawn out version because apparently no sane person would voluntarily wish to cease to exist if there's nothing medically or situationally wrong with them.
The SSRIs are helping with keeping the mood on an even keel but these thoughts still persist. They have done since I was young. And thanks to society frowning upon suicide nobody will offer me a quick and painless death.
You're probably taking on too much at once.
Finding a reason is hard, and implausibly so when you're already struggling with keeping alive.
It doesn't matter much how or what you've been, nor what you could or should be. You are currently struggling, and with a perception altering condition to boot. And as with most things we find struggling, we offer help, understanding, comfort and support, as well as recruit others to help. See if you can't offer yourself that, or find someone to help you get there (SSRIs are a crutch, not the healing).
Build up strength, support and resilience, and you'll have better control of the perception altering parts at least, and probably more energy to try, fail, learn and try again at what is a worthy reason for you.
Also, passion is overrated, most people develop passion for things that they manage to do over time. Figure out what is interesting and rewarding to do first, figure out how to do it sustainably as part of your life, including how you remind yourself to get back to it when you inevitably get distracted (my favorite way is to tie it to something I find important, like justice or caring for my environment). In a couple years, people will describe you as passionate, and after a while you might even feel it yourself.