We used to have several more people. Right now it’s 3 players and a DM. The DM is my cousin, and our rule right now is if one person can’t make it, the whole thing is called off. They really don’t want to just have 2 players, which I can understand.
This has been the only group I’ve ever played DnD with, but I’m not enjoying it at all. Part of it is the DM’s style, and part of it is another player.
I feel like I can’t do anything as a paladin without being yanked away from it. My first few sessions literally any time I tried to cast something, this other player told me I really shouldn’t. They’re so terrified I’m going to run out of spell slots. I never have.
At a certain point I just started doing nothing but regular attacking. That’s it. Just sessions on end of attacking as a paladin and nothing else without any complaints. I’m bored out of my mind.
I’m still a new player and I’m just trying to enjoy the game. But Any time I try to cast something, I’m being told not to, or given like a 5 minute thesis on how ” actually Bless isn’t as useful as this other thing, but hey if you WANT to use bless I don’t GUESS it would hurt…”
Also the DMs themes just don’t relate to me at all. The best way I can describe the game is like some mix of analog horror, SCP, and the backrooms. We never ever just meet some bandit or goblin. It’s always some unexplainable entity that the DM must use esoteric language to describe. It’ll be some object or being that is cognitively distressing to witness yet impossible to comprehend. And I’m having to roleplay a reaction to it?
Not to mention the crunchiness of the campaign is just wearisome to me. Our last campaign we spent an hour and a half just going over inventory, crafting, quest progress, and stats. All above the table; never in character.
It’s just such a boring campaign to me with a player that’s about to make me rip my hair out. But it’s also my cousin’s game, and I’m fairly certain it will have to disband - at least for a long while - if I leave.
It seems like one of these problems lies at least partly with you. As in, you allow it to be an issue, and you have the ability to remove the issue.
I'm not trying to be rude just constructive, so bear with me! I'm speaking from my own experiences and what little I know from the post so I may be way off. If so feel free to disregard or correct me.
Just because other people have an opinion doesn't mean you have to follow or fold to it. I get it can be hard to put your foot down as a new player, especially if they are loud or belligerent about it, but this is YOUR character and your choice to make. You decide what to do on YOUR turn. It doesn't make any sense for your character to not use magic, and the other player isn't that characters master or mentor or something, right?
You can stop this issue of not being able to cast spells, in at least three ways:
Let them voice their opinion and their worry, then do whatever you had planned to do regardless. In the end it is your choice.
Have an above-table conversation. Tell either that player in person or the whole group that you would like to practice playing without their help for a while. That making mistakes is a part of the game and part of learning, and you want to play your character immersively without the meta-gaming of discussing your turn with the table, unless you specifically ask for suggestions.
Talk to the DM. Ask them to talk to the table to minimise meta-gaming and let each player take their turn after how they choose to play it.
Point 2 and 3 can also be something to try to see f the DM and/or players are interested in more roleplay (suggest having discussion like inventory and strategy in character instead of above table, or suggest facing some smaller recognisable enemies in addition to the large terrifying entities, etc).
I hate to say it, but I have these tendencies... it's not my favourite personal trait. I get way to engaged, speak out of turn on impulse, sometimes interrupts, then catch myself and try to reel it in by affirming that whatever I have just said the other person get to decide for themselves (see this whole comment for example). Perhaps this person is the same and the miscommunication comes from what tone they use and/or what tone you interpret/hear? If so things can improve by talking about how you communicate while playing. Or perhaps they are actually being passive-aggressive - but here's hoping!
Regarding the campaign itself... sometimes it's just not a good match. Sometimes the expectations and interests and playstyles are too different and not worth trying to compromise on. And since this is your first table it might well be worth trying to find another table, another DM and another genre. You're not obliged to stay just because there wouldn't be enough players left without you. It's not a job, it's a hobby and it should be enjoyable for you.
If you want you can ask your table and DM if you can try DMing a short campaign or one-shot. Being in that position can give you a lot of insights of what you want from your next game as well as how to be a better player. It's fun, but nerve-wracking!
Good luck with everything.