Nonbinary

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An inclusive place for members of all stripes that don't fit into our culture's binary categories of gender.

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Resources for parenting a nonbinary teen? (slrpnk.net)

submitted 2 days ago by Nemo@slrpnk.net to c/nonbinary@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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My teen has been leaning nonbinary through adolescence and recently came out explicitly to my spouse and I. We've always been allies and queer-affirming, but my spouse seems to be struggling with having a child who is not cis — not opposed, just lost. And I have to acknowledge that I am probably ignorant of the issues a young nonbinary person might face.

I don't want to just be "good enough". I want to be supportive to my child. Are there any good resources for parents in this situation? Places to read about the struggles and experiences they are going to face?

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[–] Hexarei@beehaw.org 5 points 2 days ago

As the mom of an 11yo who pulled an uno reverse moment when I came out to them, I think even just being willing to be supportive is more than a lot of kids will get. I came out to mine as trans 2 years ago and they were like "oh, um. I've been thinking about how to tell you I think I'm nonbinary." They were worried we'd think they were just wanting attention, poor thing.

My suggestion: ask what terms they feel the most at home with, don't just assume anything stays the same unless they explicitly say they want it to. For example: "How would you like us to refer to you? "Child"? "Kiddo"? "Son/daughter" still apply?"

And then ask things like (if afab) "Do you want to be 'one of the girls' or 'one of the boys' if gender split stuff comes up at a party or hangout?" And "If I'm calling for you and your friends - what should I be calling out? "Boys"? "Girls"? "Kids"?

Note: we ask these things not because we want to force them into one, but because we want to help them feel comfortable knowing the answers in low-pressure situations so that they are never put on the spot about it.

Ask about wardrobe, hairstyles, other details of presentation, and importantly: let them try out and enjoy stuff. Or hate stuff. Ours got a should length side-shave haircut and they love it, but you've got to be willing to let them experiment or they'll never get a chance to figure themselves out.