this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2026
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You know, more gay weddings means more cake.
As an asexual married person, I am adamantly in favor of more weddings. Could even have some fake weddings where the cake is real, trick a baker into making a wedding cake, pay them, but the wedding isn't real and it's just a ruse to get more cake!
Wait, is that just buying a wedding cake? Can you just... do that?
Also, I suppose we could try other genres of cake that don't need such an expensive excuse?
My wife and I almost had our wedding cake made by the local grocery chain. They had our favorite combinations of flavors and textures, could do incredible decorations, and have an unrivaled reputation for catering, but they only make sheet cakes.
My mom was so distraught by the thought of us serving grocery store sheet cake at our wedding that she offered to pay in full for our wedding cake, but only if we got a tiered cake from the same company that made my sister's wedding cake. My sister's cake was sufficiently yummy, and it would save us about $500, so we agreed.
They refused to make the flavor combinations we wanted because it wasn't traditional, and they forgot to serve the second cake. TWO CAKES?! Yes, my wife and I disagreed on what cake to serve our guests, so we each picked our own cakes and then were going to judge which of us was better at cake-picking by seeing who had the least cake left at the end of the night.
My mom paid nearly $2000 for multi-tiered disappointment, and it was dry. When we went back to the bakery a year later for our anniversary slice, they told us it would cost $50. We decided that wasn't worth it, so we bought all the cake we could eat from the grocery store with that same money. (COVID prices)
Moral of the story: don't get hung up on wedding cake. Any cakery bakery can make a cake that tastes like a wedding cake, so take that off its multi-tiered pedestal. If you like cake, then buy it often, and buy it everywhere. When you wanna take a break from cake, custom order a cake for yourself for a future date, use the money from all the cakes you don't buy during your pastry pause to instead treat yourself to something magnificent. If the bakery asks if you're celebrating anything, tell them that you're celebrating how much you love cake.
Reject normalcy, buy the cakes.
I once attended a wedding in the States once and I still distinctly remember the wedding cake. It was the worst cake I ever had.
It was pretty, mind you. But the texture sucked and it tasted like sugar and fat and nothing else. It was embarrassingly bad. For some reason none of the Americans present saw anything wrong with this monstrosity.
A wedding cake celebrates one of the most important moments of two people's lives. It's ridiculously expensive. And Americans either fully accept that it's a barely edible piece of decoration or they actually have no standards regarding baked goods at all.
(The success of Twinkies does suggest a most unhappy conclusion here...)
Yeah, we just kinda accept that wedding cake often is aesthetics over taste. Over on the other site, r/fondanthate is a thing that exists so yeah it's bad. We still eat the shitty wedding cake out of politeness and because it's still cake.
(The twinkie profits weren't enough to save Hostess from bankruptcy so they're not that successful.)