this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2026
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I agree with you that cheating can be an outlet if a person feels that there is no other option, that doesn't diminish the asshole aspect tho(there are some edge cases).
It may be my brain working in mysterious ways, but every relationship I had began its official stage with me sitting down with the other person and going over every little thing I could think off to establish boundaries, expectations, and so on. Including the type of relationship, assumed consent, level of privacy, and so on and so forth. Granted it backfired a few times, but when it didn't the relationships lasted far longer than the average I have seen with my friend and other contacts.
But that is to say that I believe that even without the lengthy discussion beforehand, a dialogue must happen between the two(or more) people in a relationship. If they don't have a discussion about everything beforehand I would say that the default is consent to the most popular option of the culture they both have (or of the areas culture if different).
As for consent and lack of knowledge, while I think that consent should be Informed, and revocable at any time (I am unsure what you mean by ongoing, so no opinion on that), however I don't think consent must be enthusiastic. For example I hate when my bed has crumbs in it, but I say "fine whatever" to my wife eating cookies in bed, because while I hate having crumbs the I explained it to her so she cleans them off and if not I always can do that myself => I would much more prefer this not being the case (so I am not enthusiastic about it) but it is something I can live with. I also think that consent should be explicit, i.e. anything except a clear or pre-established consent (Like "yes", "okay", nodding, etc.) is a No.
As for lack of knowledge, although I can see the problem of it, I still think that a dialog should happen. For example person A never knew about open or poly relationships, but is poly. Having an urge to have intimate relationship with an other person could it self cause A to talk to their partner, or at least talk to them afterwards.
Great thoughts! Management of expectations should be the default, and the beginning of any relationship (platonic, ENM, monogamous, professional, familial, etc) should be discussed. I think it's an excellent idea to understand what each party is seeking, and what capacity is available on either side. I agree that this is key to relationships that provide the most fulfillment to all involved, and that's exactly what I've experienced as well.
As for ongoing consent, it's the idea that consent must be continuous. Once it is no longer provided, it is not ongoing, thus the activity/arrangement/etc must end. This is where renegotiation can occur with conversation and (re)management of expectations.
A perfect example would be giving a ride to a friend. They consent to enter your vehicle, and provide ongoing consent while in the passenger seat. They can, at any time, ask for you to stop the car so they can get out. This is revocation of consent, and the end of the ongoing piece.
Side note about consent. I've been referring to ENM as CNM lately, as Ethics are subjective, but Consent is not.
Thank you for the explanation, I learned something new (or rather a new way to put it)!
From reading what you are saying, and what you said before (I had a peak at your profile) it seems our opinions are quite the similar. If you want to share something, or just talk more, please be my guest, besides that it seems we both (or at least I) seem to understand each other.