I'm going to Hell for this

Folks, I have to tell you something incredible, something truly historic, and nobody wants to talk about it ... the fake news media, they won't cover it, but I'm going to tell you right now. I am the most shot-at president in the history of this country. Maybe in the history of the world.

Lincoln? One shot. One. Very sad. Didn't make it. I respect that, but I've taken more bullets ... well, nearly taken, because I'm very fast, very athletic ... more bullets than any president, ever, and I'm still here. Standing. Looking beautiful, if I do say so myself.

They came for me in Butler, Pennsylvania. Tremendous place, by the way, great people. And the bullet ... and I said to my people, I said, "That bullet is a loser." And it was! Missed by a tiny bit. My ear, very famous ear now, very strong ear, the strongest ear, doctors said they'd never seen an ear heal so fast...

And that wasn't even the second time! Or the third! At this point, I tell my Secret Service ... great guys, love them ... I say, "Fellas, at some point you have to admit: I'm just very hard to kill." And they agree. They all agree.

Crooked Hillary never got shot at. Obama ... zero assassination attempts, that we know of. Sleepy Joe? Nobody wanted to shoot Sleepy Joe. You have to be worth shooting at, okay? And I'm worth it. Nobody is more worth it than me.

My doctor ... brilliant man, said I was the healthiest patient he'd ever examined ... he told me that my instincts are so good, so genetically superior, that my body knew to dodge. It's called survival instinct, and mine is rated, by many people, as one of the top five in human history. Some say number one.

So when people ask me, "Sir, aren't you scared?" ... and they do ask, big tough men, tears in their eyes ... I say: "No. Because God looked down and said, 'That man is too important to lose.'" And honestly? I agree with God on that one. We see eye to eye.

They can't stop me. They've tried! Many times! And every single time, I've won. That's what I do. I win. Even against bullets.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless ... very importantly ... me.