Poetry
A community to celebrate published and OC works of poetry.
Welcome to !poetry
Guidelines & Community Rules
In addition to the general rules of lemmy.world:
Published Poetry
1a: Poetry posts should include the title and the author, when the author is known.
O.C. Poetry
2a: Sharing original poetry is encouraged, but it must be preceded by the tag "[OC]."
2b: If an [OC] post is requesting feedback, it should also follow with the "[FB]" tag. It would look like the following example:
[OC] [FB] Nothing Gold Can Stay
Feedback
All feedback should be given in good faith.
3a: All [FB] requests should be met with comments constructive in nature. It is okay to dislike parts of a poem, but make sure to explain why you feel that way.
3b: Feedback does not need to be extraordinary in nature. Simply expressing how a work makes you feel is often enough.
3c: Use the honor system. When you receive good feedback, return it in kind to another author. Everyone appreciates knowing their work is being read and appreciated.
As this community develops, these guidelines may be adjusted.
Formatting Help
Work in progress
To create a line break, use two spaces at the end of a line.
To create empty space, type .
Use four of these at the beginning of a line to create a standard indent.
UPDATE:
Some methods of access do not format markdown correctly. I am currently testing various apps and web interfaces to see what does and does not retain formatting.
In the interim, it is encouraged to post text poetry as you normally would, but to include a link at the beginning or end of the post with access to a website or image that retains the formatting as intended.
Other Poetry Communities
Poetry lovers unite! In the style of the fediverse, multiple poetry communities have arisen, and will continue to rise. I will try to keep a list here of communities across instances that are worth checking out!
view the rest of the comments
Impression
The rhymes of limitation and causation start the entire poem of strong.
The underlying idea is great, I like how you play with 'will can't' and 'could won't' and the double meaning of will.
Critique:
And I will knów that you will wíll
And who knows whére you may stráy
For whére thére’s a wíll, there’s a wáy
I feel like that 'know' is left hanging, it has no rhyme connecting to it's rhythm, so the 'will' in the same line is without partner, maybe you could add a line to close it, like:
'a matter of want and not of skill'
I like the 'stray' and 'way' rhyme, additionally the words are thematically connected which gives the poem a very nice, round feeling ending.
But the speech-rhythm of 'where there's a will, there's a way' breaks with the established rhythms, it feels like the poem "stumbles" here. I understand you want to incorporate this popular saying, but I think the entire poem shows that you can do better than that.
Overall:
Themes are fitting and on point, I like the play with won't and can't, especially the 'where we could won’t' and 'that you will will' are very nice turns of phrase. The changing rhythm in the middle of the poem is not breaking the flow. I just think that 'you will will' is too nice to be left hanging and that the end is stumbling a bit where it should gracefully glide into the end.
If you will? 😉