this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2026
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Most men go through this. We start life sweet and innocent. We hold doors open for girls. We listen. We try to be great friends. We don't touch them unless they ask us to. And we become permanently friendzoned.
Most of us start observing what the successful guys do. Almost the exactly opposite. They ignore women. They touch them without consent when going in for a kiss or hug or affection. They tease them and call them names. It works.
Then we get into a long term relationship and realise that the skills which worked to attract women don't work so well in a relationship. Now we need new skills. Communication. Resilience. Diplomacy. Compromise. Grit. Understanding. Often this is where relationships end, but many of us learn and adapt and grow again.
I have come to understand that most of what shaped me is the needs and demands of the women I have been seeing. I didn't make these changes because I wanted to make them. I did them out of necessity. I wanted a relationship and a family, so I did what I needed to do. I'm not sure what it's like from the women's side. It seems easier.