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Im not a professional, but from what I understand there’s like stages: ideation, planning, preparation, and attempt. or it’s something like that. What you’re describing sounds like ideation to me, which is pretty common in depressed people.
I’ve been at that point where you’re just waiting for the right time or a good enough reason. I think asking yourself that is a good reflective moment and an indicator that it’s time to either seek help or look to change something up in your life if getting help isn’t a viable option.