doomer

CW: drunken ramble and depressing realities

i've been spending a lot of time reading about ww1 and ww2, maybe all of that is getting to my head but surely ww3 will be so much worse. it is inevitable right? imperialist cooperation is breaking down in front of our eyes. America is effectively becoming if not aleady a fascist state. I cannot see an outcome that is not global warfare.

those wars were awful, I mean truly violence I cannot comprehend. I read about these events through an academic lense and I am so detached from the horror of them but I am horrified by the knowledge that my future is likely worse. what can we even do? are we even capable of avoiding this fate? I wonder if global socialism will be born through rubble and famine. i do not want to starve.

I am not asking for comfort, though I am not entirely sure why I am making this post. I don't want sympathy to be clear. idk. I am just reading about China's situation before communism and holy shit it was so awful. I am so seperated from the reality they experienced that I don't think I can fully fathom it.

I am sorry if this is a meaningless ramble I decided to drink tonight bc of the winter storm and I am in a crisis mode. I don't want to see my partner suffer. they deserve a better life than we are going to get. I wish a better world was possible without having to suffer so much for it but maybe that is the priviledge speaking. I dont't know how I can look her in the eyes and tell her it is worth it. I just want to escape.

I often wonder what my life would be like without these attachments. I want to give myself fully to resistance and while I am not afraid of losing my life doing so I am terrified of my loved ones suffering because of it. I don't my partner and my family to suffer because I oppose fascism. I don't want the reality of what america is to destroy the people I love. I am terrified that there is no hope for this place. i don't want to be executed in the streets but I can't not act. the more a learn about the past the more terrified I am of the future.

I am glad I found hexbear and I am glad ti changed my perspective on the world but holy shit have I suffered for it. fascism is terrifying but I can't not act against it. I am only putting this in doomer because it feels wrong for main or chat.