this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2026
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Mental Health

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Hyper independence (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 days ago by ickplant@lemmy.world to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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[–] meep_launcher@sh.itjust.works 8 points 16 hours ago

Yup, avoidant attachment style.

I'm generally seen as pretty emotionally open, but it's always a front, like a negotiation to give the appearance of warmth but I'm terrified to open any deeper. I feel like what people think is the core us just the rind.

Babies will actually show this behavior as well- so this trauma goes DEEP. It might even be more genetic than behavioral. They've shown when a parent leaves a baby for a bit, the baby begins to cry, but when the parent returns, there are three responses (I'll pretend a baby can speak, but this is what they say with body language):

  1. Ah! You were gone but now you're back! I missed you and I'm happy you are here let's play with my rattle (stable)
  2. OH MY GOD YOU ARE BACK I MISSED YOU PLEASE DON'T LEAVE EVER AGAIN I'M HOLDING ON TO YOU HARDER (Anxious)
  3. Oh, you're back? That's fine, I'm not gonna look at you. If I stop caring you can't hurt me again. (Avoidant)

I know I'd keep a pretty clean & minimalist room as a kids- I remember straight up saying "I want to be able to pack up my life and leave at a moments notice and no one will ever know I ever existed" when I was 10. It's still hard to believe people care about me in any meaningful way.

Weird thing- I had a very supportive childhood. Having a sister with intense ADHD was tough though since she took up 90% of my parents time, so I think that's where it comes from.