this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2026
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Stephen "PeeWee Himmler" Miller has demanded a daily quota of scalps, and they haven't been able to come close, even with their openly Unconstitutional tactics, because his quota is comically high. So PeeWee Himmler is demanding a comically high number of agents to accomplish it.
He's a psychopath who probably goes into screaming fits at the slightest provocation, so they are desperate to keep the lid on his fury, so they are hiring as many breathing bodies as possible, no matter what it takes.
I'm definitely too old, but they have a really good signing bonus, and I could use the money, so now I'm considering signing up, just for the money, and the fun. I'd love to get in there, collect a fat paycheck, and be ridiculously incompetent at the job. It's a government job, they won't fire me, and they need warm bodies really badly. So they'll just probably stick me in a dark office somewhere where I can doze all day, and scroll my phone, and fuck up everybody's paperwork on the computer. Maybe I'll bring my guitar into the office to play while the boys are out building up their charges for their future court cases.
BTW, they get 47 days of training. Do you know why its that specific number? Because Trump is the 47th president. That means someone decided to make the training period that length because they knew Trump would hear about it, and they wanted to get that little rimjob in to please him.
What a bunch of fucking losers.