Copenhagen (dpo) – Is Donald Trump's constant threats against Greenland finally over? Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen announced today that the Arctic island will henceforth be called Epstein Island, not Greenland. Experts assume that the US president will no longer mention it after this renaming.
"To be perfectly clear: Epstein Island is an integral part of the Kingdom of Denmark," Frederiksen declared emphatically. "If the US president deems it necessary to defend Epstein Island more effectively, we can discuss that as NATO allies. But Epstein Island remains part of the Kingdom of Denmark."
The measure seems to be working so far: As photos from the Oval Office released today show, Greenland has been blacked out with a marker on a world map on Trump's desk.
An inquiry to the White House as to whether the renaming would affect the annexation plans for Epstein Island yielded the following response: "The Trump administration has no knowledge whatsoever of an island by that name. And even if it did exist, nothing happened there. And even if something had happened there, it would not have been illegal. Anything else is fake news." According to insiders, former President Bill Clinton booked a hotel in the capital, Nuuk, shortly after the renaming.
twist: he’s now extra sure it’s his
It's the perfect trap. He'll fly straight there, get off the plane with his pants down already and die of exposure.
Thule airbase must be nice this time of year.