My ex wife was bulemic; we went to support groups together over it, sometimes.

The usage of laxatives and finger down the throat are classic signs of bulimia. Body dysmorphia very frequently goes hand-in-hand with those behaviors, as does having to hide these behaviors.

Fortunately, it sounds like you may be able to have a good support system that can help you keep this from going too far. There’s an opportunity here.

Take this on if you could: losing weight these ways actually ends up being a lot of work, with a terrible trade-off. You may lose weight, but at an even higher cost to your physical and mental health. It’s work to hide it from your friends and family, work obsessing over your food intake, and work mentally rationalizing everything. Then, you’ll have to deal with all of the negative health effects, and there actually are a lot. Consider taking that amount of work you’re willing to do and put the efforts toward more healthy ways of dealing with what you see when you look in the mirror. You can lose weight healthy ways, but you can do it while learning to love yourself, as well. It IS possible. I highly encourage getting some therapy—somebody to talk to about these things, and find what’s really down at the core of these feelings you have.