this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2026
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No they're a Chinese plot to have every child become sleeper agents who will then unlock your front door so a Chinese soldier can come in and poop in your toilet, move your salt and pepper shaker and mess with your pillow configuration on your bed.
My honest, hard-working American feng shui!
Those are all things my kid does without the help of a third party.
Or so you think - dun dun duuuuun
You missed the CCP new 5 year plan, they're swapping the salt and sugar containers as well now
And mixing Skittles into the m&m's
When I was a kid, my cousin confused the salt and sugar containers and dumped a huge quantity of sugar on her pasta.
It was quite the to-do at that dinner.
Honestly, if Chinese operatives had the power to enter random US homes and kill people they would.
Yes, militaries do tend to attract nationalistic psychos. The US Marines have done the same thing to many civilians. The have whole in-group rituals about it.
Bu Bu Bu BUT HER EMAILS~!?!?!