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I think it's important to emphasise that this problem isn't something that's intrinsic to men, but rather to the patriarchal system that actively cultivates this kind of shittiness in men. That distinction feels important because trying to contort oneself into the mould demanded by hegemonic masculinity is a cursed and unfulfilling way to live even for the men who are privileged under this system.

Without men, the world would be deprived of some of its essential richness — even more than it already is. I often share your pessimism, but I've found that thinking along those lines tends to just make me feel more depressed. I don't know what a healthier mode of masculinity could look like (and as a woman, there's only so much that I can contribute to that conversation), but it is both possible and necessary to try to find new ways of being in our collective struggle for liberation. It's hard to do that whilst living under a patriarchy, but my resolve is bolstered by seeing the progress of men who are fighting to build something better.

That progress is most evident to me in nerdy or niche spaces like those described in the OP. Indeed, before I saw your comment, I was going to make a top level comment about how hilarious I always find it when gatekeepy, misogynistic assholes effectively cockblock themselves in this way. I should emphasise that one's ability to find sexual partners is in no way a measure of a person's value, but that's certainly the way that people like this tend to think. They get themselves into a toxic cycle where they see any and all women as being nefarious Jezebels infiltrating their spaces and this shuts them off from making any meaningful connections (sexual or otherwise) with women who share their hobbies.

Meanwhile, the men who aren't weird about things and treat women like they're, you know, people — they're getting infinitely more action than the gatekeepers. Then the gatekeepers see this and, especially if they perceive the non-asshole men as less attractive and deserving of women's attention than they are, they become even more convinced that every woman in that space is just faking their entire personality.

Assholes like this shut themselves off from engaging with a huge chunk of human experience through willfully opting into a cycle of toxic, confirmation bias. It's sad to see them forsake themselves to stew in their bitterness, but their self inflicted misery has an odd justice about it.

It sounds like you're not doing too great on the whole "figuring out how to thrive as a man in defiance of the patriarchal bullshit that threatens to drag us all down", but the fact that you're able to see how harmful their actions are means that you have a hefty head start on the assholes you justifiably resent. We don't need to let them drag us down with them, though. They're so thoroughly unpleasant that they're incapable of not marking themselves out as someone to avoid, so let's do just that. It's far more fun and liberatory to see what we can discover and build as we explore the full breadth of what it means to be human together.