I have tried therapy on and off for a while now. People would always get frustrated with me and tell me to "get therapy," but I never knew what I was actually supposed to be there for. And I tried a service like BetterHelp before (can't remember what this one was called), but it just sucked ass and I'm not sure if the people on there were even licensed professionals.
I finally started going consistently with this one therapist, but I frequently get frustrated with her for not giving me actual coping skills or techniques. One of her favorite things to ask me is "how can you deal with X?" And I get frustrated and say "I don't know." Because if I fucking knew I wouldn't be in therapy. She seems to do a more meandering talk therapy style thing with vague ideas of DBT and CBT thrown in there. She's not giving me enough skills to not get fired at work. She helped me go through a difficult time, but now that that's over, I'm back to square one.
So I found a therapist who specifically states she does DBT. Over time I have learned that my core issue is emotional dysregulation which is treated by DBT. She told me she follows this one workbook. I got the book. It's great! It gives you a zillion and one coping skills. But after having several sessions with her, I notice that she spends the entire time just going "in chapter 4, this happens. Then in chapter 8, this happens" while my eyes just glaze over. Today the session ended 35 minutes early because she only vaguely contributed to me talking about a problem I had today.
I have been seeing both therapists concurrently until my deductible resets in January.
I just am so endlessly frustrated with the entire mental health industry. I've seen so many different therapists. I've really tried to do any exercises that they have given me. I've tried multiple different psych meds (trying a new one now actually!).
Nothing works. Nothing has changed about me. I'm the same person with the same problems. And nothing I seem to try makes a lick of difference. I try so hard. I try a zillion different things...exercise, getting good sleep, eating right, therapy, meds...nothing changes me. Nothing helps me.
What in the everliving fuck am I missing? Do I have to go through 30 different therapists before I can find one that can help me? Am I just doing therapy "wrong"??? What am I supposed to be doing here?
Through all this, I've found that telling someone to "go to therapy" is almost offensive...it just absolves others from caring about you and makes it sound like you're not willing to do the base effort in bettering yourself.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read.
Bullshit. You got angry at something she said and ended the session yourself. Then you came here to complain about it. For you, the work to do in therapy isn't about learning skills because there's no step-by-step manual for learning how to confront your own bullshit. Therapy happens precisely at the rate a good therapist can get you to see your own bullshit without rage-quitting every session. Other therapists you have tried phone it in because they can tell you aren't willing to do the work. If you found one willing to upset you, go back and apologize because you found a real one who is good enough to handle you.
What the fuck are some of these comments???
I did NOT get angry with her at all whatsoever. I did NOT end the session with her. She kept babbling on about what each chapter is about and then when I didn't know how to comment on it she was like let's schedule the next session and we did and then she said ok see you then! And then she ended the call.
I am willing to do the work. I do all the exercises that are given to me. I think about all the concepts they tell me. I practice these coping skills in the real world both when nothing is happen and in distressing situations. You don't fucking know me and assuming I'm not willing to work is the farthest off you could ever fucking me.
Hey, you're doing the work. You're in mid battle right now, and there is more to go.
It takes time, a lot of time, to practice new skills in the real world. It won't happen very fast, because behavior change is complicated.
Keep doing what you're doing. Therapist can be difficult. It took me a couple years to find a good one. I'll share just recently, I had a med prescriber intake. To spare details, she asked all the questions that put me in a vulnerable place. I cry through family history and she got detailed, more detailed than I should of answered. Then, at my most barren, she rejected my case and recommended elsewhere. It took everything I had not to explode in that moment, but I didn't. Private practice is a shit show. I cried in my car before leaving. This woman embarrassed me, then rejected me. Ugh.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. It's okay to hop therapists, your comfort comes first. That's good you are working the workbook, and I'm here to tell you, your efforts are not for nothing. You'll get there if you don't give up on yourself, but have patience.
Hey man I'm really sorry that happened to you. Why in the world would a prescriber do that to someone? What an incredibly bizarre experience. I had a bit of the opposite experience...when I first went to a psych provider to ask about possibly trying meds, I was surprised at how readily they want to give me some to try without going into too much detail about my life.