this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2025
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Dog behaves respectfully with me, but rough with family – advice? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by original_reader@lemmy.zip to c/dogs@lemmy.world
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Hey experts, hoping someone here has insight or experience to share.

We have a dog who’s generally well-trained and listens to commands. With me, he’s calm, respectful, and almost never crosses boundaries. The dog is about 10 months old, so we don't expect every command to be perfect, of course.

But with other family members, it’s a different story. He can get rough, jumps on them, snaps at their hands (even when they’re disengaging), and seems to treat them more like playmates than people to respect. Am afraid someone will eventually get hurt.

This behavior often kicks in when a family member picks up his ball or engages with him in a way he perceives as play. Sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. The dog clearly doesn't mean bad and isn't aggressive, but he underestimates his strength. We’ve tried consistent training across the board, and everyone uses the same commands and techniques. Walks help a bit, he’s more controlled outside/on a leash, but the issue persists indoors or in the yard.

Has anyone dealt with a dog who respects one person but gets too rough with others? Is this a leadership/boundary issue, or something else? Any advice on how to help our dog treat all family members with the same respect he shows me?

Thanks in advance for any ideas!

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[–] notsosure@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

Dogs have a simple and happy life: in the family, they always are at the bottom of the hierarchy; all other animals in the pack are above them. Dogs in puberty do not always realize this, your dog sees your family members as being on the same or a lower level. As the leader of the pack, you have to make clear that his place is on the lowest level. Not with violence (it’s always better to reward good behavior and ignore bad behavior) - and where necessary prohibit the dog eg to bite. Your family members must be trained as well: they shouldn’t play with the dog, instead they should ignore him, they are not his toy or playmates, but his bosses.