this post was submitted on 21 Nov 2025
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[–] ozymandias@lemmy.dbzer0.com 133 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (27 children)

there’s a lot more to what it means to be perceived as gay in this society than just that person, personally hating gay people.
i had someone say that to me and i’m just extremely self conscious so i was just trying to figure out why….
was it my tone of voice? mannerisms?
all these penises in my mouth?
Is that why women are seldom romantically interested in me? Do they all think i’m gay? is that the key to my loneliness? (probably just the ugly part).
if you tell someone, “oh i figured you like country music” and they don’t, they’re going to wonder why.
and i don’t know if they stopped, but kids used to be pretty mean calling people gay… it can be kind of a “touching on childhood trauma” thing.

my advice: don’t “trick” people with clever “tests” and try to be genuine with your friends. If you’re gay and you have straight friends, those friends probably aren’t the problem even if they have a problem with being misidentified as gay.

[–] KAtieTot@lemmy.blahaj.zone -1 points 1 month ago (14 children)

I think that's more of a tell on your own insecurities if the notion makes you uncomfortable. You can't tell if someone is gay, even if there are some trends/social queues.

[–] ozymandias@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago (10 children)

you should look up “gaydar”

[–] KAtieTot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I feel that was covered by saying "trends/social queues"

"Gaydar" is just making a guess based on social queues. Maybe it's an educated guess but it is a guess.

[–] ozymandias@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

no, that’s how someone straight would guess….
gaydar is more of an intuition

[–] KAtieTot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Intuition - "quick and ready insight; the power of knowing things without conscious reasoning."

Iunno, I think that's covered by "social cueues and tendencies". Your intuition is still fueled by the things you perceive and isn't magic, or necessarily accurate.

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