this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2025
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Does money and status matter in a relationship? (sopuli.xyz)
submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by Grimreaper@sopuli.xyz to c/askmen@lemmy.world
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I feel like my family is super hypocritical when it comes to this. My mom, aunt, and cousin tell me things like:

“You need to bring something to the table in a relationship.”

“You both need to pour into each other.”

“You need a job to date.”

Etc., etc.

Okay — so today we were talking about wealthy people and what we’d do if we had hundreds of millions or even a billion dollars. I said I’d probably send my kids to an elite private school. They asked, “Why?”

I said, “My son wouldn’t date a Starbucks barista, and my daughter wouldn’t date the pizza guy.”

These same family members immediately said that was classist and wrong, and that money shouldn’t be a determining factor in a relationship.

…Umm, what?!

These were the same people who said: “You need to bring something to the table.” “You both need to pour into each other.”

Okay — then why wouldn’t the same logic apply to me in this scenario? What would some pizza delivery guy bring to the table for a billionaire heiress? Same with my son. If anything, shouldn’t he be dating someone who also comes from a wealthy or noble family?

I changed the scenario again and asked them: “If I were a lawyer or had some other high-paying job, and I chose not to date a poor woman — is that wrong?”

They said it was wrong and dumb.

Do you see the glaring hypocrisy?

Edit: What would you think about a 28 year old wealthy woman dating a 22 year old college student? Do you think the 22 year old could not bring anything to their relationship?

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[–] Grimreaper@sopuli.xyz -1 points 2 days ago (3 children)

No, wealth and status doesn’t matter.

Ok, so what do they mean by "bring something to the table"… By this logic, a pizza delivery guy can offer NOTHING to a girl who comes from a multi-millionaire family.

[–] i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 days ago

The pizza guy can bring a pizza to the table.

Seriously though, bringing something to the table means showing up as a person. It means contributing to the relationship and the family. It means doing some of the emotional labour and preemptively doing things that show you care.

The stereotype of the 1950s husband who worked all day, then came home and sat on his ass to be waited on by his wife while the kids do something that doesn’t involve him? That is bringing next-to-nothing to the table, despite being the sole financial resource.

Also, when some people use those words, they just mean “they need to be hot”.

[–] FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 days ago

Maybe relationships aren't all about money and physical gifts

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Ok, so what do they mean by “bring something to the table”.... By this logic, a pizza delivery guy can offer NOTHING to a girl who comes from a multi-millionaire family.

Maybe he's delivering pizza because he recently returned from a Americorps mission helping to set up irrigation systems in an impoverish region. Perhaps he recently got laid off from his work at NOAA as climate scientist because trump doesn't believe in that and the pizza guy still has bills to pay, so he takes the work he can get. Maybe he's an sculptor that delivers pizza at night because he spends his days in hi studio chipping away at a giant chunk of marble because he can see a beautiful object in that rock and just needs remove everything that doesn't belong.

A person can have more value or character because of what they do outside of how they pay their bills rather than inside of it. A girl from a multi-millionaire family may have a trust fund and doesn't need to earn any more money so she could choose a mate that has made a life of meaning. Hell, if I didn't have to work for money I'd love to so many of those things I listed above.