The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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ICE confirms agents do not have faces beneath masks (theonion.com)

submitted 6 months ago by MHLoppy@fedia.io to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works

2 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Agency Says What Lies Under Balaclavas ‘Unspeakable’

In response to legislation that would ban officers from obscuring their identities during arrests and raids, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed Thursday that beneath their masks, agents do not have faces.

Tom Homan, the U.S. border czar and chief enforcer of President Donald Trump’s immigration policy, warned that Democrats “may get more than they bargained for” with transparency initiatives like the Senate’s VISIBLE Act, because the agency’s more than 20,000 members wear neck gaiters, hats, and sunglasses to cover a terrifying void where their eyes, nose, and mouth should be.

“The truth is, just underneath their masks lies an infinite abyss of total and complete darkness,” said Homan, adding that ICE officers concealed themselves not only for their own benefit, but also to protect others from seeing the hideous, unknowable horror beneath. [...]

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[–] SlartyBartFast@sh.itjust.works 5 points 6 months ago

Sounds anomalous